While playing ultimate frisbee at Waterfront Park, I made a run towards the endzone to score. Meanwhile, my teammate tried to throw me the frisbee but overshot and consequently went into the Ohio River- the frisbee, not my friend. To make a long story short, I jumped into the river and retrived the frisbee. Yes...I jumped into THE OHIO RIVER, the most REPULSIVE river in the Southeastern United States. Needless to say, we won our ultimate frisbee game.
Death was only a matter of time.
At noon today, hunger struck- as it always does- so I attempted to prepare a meal consisting of chicken tenders and grilled chicken taquitos. Preheat oven to 400ยบ then place in shallow pan for 8 minutes. Those were the directions on the box of taquitos so I decided to cook both the taquitos and chicken tenders together. After 8 minutes, I used an oven mitt to retrieve the chicken. After getting catsup, I sat down and began to eat- first with the taquitos to see how they tasted. They were good and I ate some more. I then bit into a chicken tender and thought that it tasted a little funny, but I remembered it saying "Italian Style" on the side of the box. I concluded that the taste was foreign... do you get it? After eating a whole chicken strip and half of another, I noticed that the chicken wasn't cooked at all. Apparently someone decieded that it would be a good idea to put non-precooked meat in a box without stating so. Then I checked the box and there it was..."CAUTION: FOOD IS NOT PRECOOKED." I've always wanted chicken to be my last meal, so without a second thought I put the chicken in the oven and cooked it some more to prepare my final meal.
Death was only a matter of time.
Throughout the day, I was wondering when I was going to die and then it struck me why I was still alive. The following equation came to mind:
[Ohio River water + Raw Chicken Meat ] =
I thought that I had solved it, but it turns out that I'm really going to die really soon.
Death IS only a matter of time.