Bathroom Blunders

Along with learning my orgazational structure and scope of responsibility, I have had other experiences that are just as important; going to the Bathroom in the professional environment.

Since beginning my co-op, I have had various experiences that have impacted me. I choose to tell you these stories in the hope that you will recepricate your own unique bathroom blunders.

Below is a list of things that I have learned or observed. They are in no particular order and are, obviously, from a male's perspective. (Lubbers, you'll have to carry your weight in explaining the female professional bathroom situation.)

Hardly anyone talks in the bathroom. When a couple of friends walks through the men's door, it's like there's some kind of shield that renders everyone mute, just like the elevators. Somehow, either no one wants others to hear the conversation or they recognize the sacred bond that a man and the urinal shares; a bond that should never be interrupted.

While at the urinal, silently urinating or, as I've noticed some to do, loudly urinating by aiming for the pool of water, I've come to learn that there are all kinds of ways which men urinate. Some keep both hands down, some have one hand down and the other with forearm against the wall above their head, both hands on the hips (these guys must be proud of what God's given them), or both arms above their head. I think the best was when I was the only person in the bathroom taking a number 2. I heard the door open and then I heard what seemed to be a belt buckle. I thought that it was odd that the guy would already be working on the belt buckle right at the door. A moment later, I heard what seemed to be the belt buckle hit the floor. Curiously as to how his belt buckle hit the floor, I looked through the crack in the stall to see this man standing in his briefs with his pants on the ground. Suddenly, I was transported to a memory of me playing with micro-machines underneath a blanket while everyone else was sleeping during nap time.

I've also noticed that middle aged men don't have any shame when it comes to taking the Browns to the Super Bowl. They just let it rip, saturating the bathroom acoustically and sensorially. I have yet to be as courageous as these men.

Today, I was gophering pretty badly after eating a full lunch. It was time to make a quick run to the bathroom. I walked in and there were two guys at the urinal and both stalls full. AGGGG, the post-lunch bathroom rush! I quickly made my way to a 2nd bathroom across the building and walked into an empty bathroom behind another guy. He went for the far (handicap accessible) stall, so I went for the near stall- only to find that there was a garbage bag covering the toilet, apparently trying to quench the stench coming from the toilet. Frustrated, I went back to my desk to wait for toilets to open up. After some waiting, I went back to a bathroom. I walked into the bathroom with a guy behind me to find both stalls occupied again! Too embarrassed to just walk out of the bathroom with the guy behind me, I went to the urinal to pretend like my purpose for going to the bathroom was fulfilled. After flushing an empty urinal, I washed my clean hands and went to the other bathroom across the building. I walked into the bathroom and surprisingly found it to be empty. (As a side note, I like it when people leave reading material in the stalls as a complimentary gift.) I washed my hands and then went back to my desk feeling great.

Any similar experiences?